Little Miss Scatterbrain

I used to be one of the most responsible people of all. Someone that when asked to participate or get something done, would be the 1st to volunteer and get it done. However, I also used to be pretty exhausted because I had a horrible time of saying no. I don't really have that problem anymore but I have noticed that with my new found ability to have boundaries, I have a new found flakiness that I don't enjoy either. There has to be some sort of balance somewhere and I'm determined to find it. I still want to be the kind of person that people can rely on but without the dependence it creates. (Is that wrong?) The past couple of years I have successfully turned into a Little Miss Scatterbrain. I HAVE to keep a calendar, a list and a list of calendars. I guess this blog post should be considered an apology to any of you who feel like I'm just a big 'ol flake. I used to have my shiz together, really! I could totally blame it on a series of things- KIDS, antidepressants, the heat, the cold, the weather in general, my husband(It's all his fault!), KIDS, etc and so forth. Truthfully, I really don't know why I've become so loosy-goosy in my brain. I HATE when I have to tell someone I forgot to do something or better yet, when I remember and end up hauling balls to accomplish whatever it is the day before. Geez, it sounds just like that time in highschool most of the time in highschool when I would sit in 1st hr. working to finish the homework from the night before. Oooh, it's just so "full circle" of me. So, while I still refuse to say yes to everything, I have to improve this here brain of mine. I want to be a little more responsible. I don't miss the "old" way of doing things - at all, however this new me is just as exhausting. My house is a mess, nothing is nearly as organized as it once was, I feel like I'm constantly playing "catch up" and as far as the outside world goes, when someone needs something from me I almost panic. This is my confession and my apology. The 1st step is acknowledgement, I may have to take baby steps... to be continued.

Rewriting "The Little Red Hen"

I normally dislke sharing my "political" opinion. I normally loathe confronting these types of issues in a public way because I don't want to offend anyone and risk losing friends over differing beliefs. However, I am offended. I am offended because I see people in our government rewriting certain principals that were taught to me at a very young age. I'm a mom now and I see a very different America forming and it scares me for my boys. I'm trying to teach them that if you work hard, you can be successful. I tell them that the sky is the limit. Should I also be telling them that if you work hard, become successful and reach for the stars that if they're lucky the goverment will demonize them and make them pay for everyone else's lives as well? The story of The Little Red Hen is what came to mind as I watch people use the word "rich" like it's an evil. The Little Red Hen asked several of her farm friends to help her plant the seed, harvest the wheat, and grind it into flour to make the bread. All of her friends declined - "Not I", they said, but when it came time to eat the bread they all wanted a piece... and The Little Red Hen politely responded,"Everyone who helped can eat the bread." Guess what? They didn't get a piece of bread because why? They didn't HELP her work for it. The moral of this story is one we ALL grew up with: If you don't work hard for something, then you don't reap the benefits. Pretty simple. So why are some in this country rewriting this classic story? I truly don't understand. I mean can't we all agree on this very simple principal? It baffles my mind and makes me angry. One argument is that there are certain groups that really need help. They can't work because of a disability or they have mental illness and addictions, etc. I am not without COMPASSION! I will help anyone I can. I also believe that there are "rich" people who share their wealth with charities or volunteer in soup kitchens and that is generally ignored in the press. The problem is that while there are deserving people who need help and would rather be able to work, there are also people that are perfectly capable who sit on their butts and collect welfare. I PERSONALLY know this to be true. BELIEVE it! Before I am ridiculed for my opinion (which is right by the way), think about this simple story that was read to us as children. For those that believe government is the answer, you have to realize that the money that goes towards making it run in the 1st place comes from the private citizens of this country who work hard to be successful in their lives. What is the point in turning their success into something ugly? I don't get it, it's completely ass-backward thinking. I am not "rich" by any stretch, in this economy our family is lucky to be holding onto the middle class side of things. I am proud of my husband who works hard everyday to support our family. We believe in helping others who can't help themselves, we believe that we give from our hearts and not because some bureaucrat tells us it's in our best interest. We tell our kids that if they work hard anything is possible. I want that to be true. I don't want them to feel guilty when they have success. I want them to be proud of their accomplishments and hopefully they will have it even better than we do. It's the American Dream - right?

WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS... Ok, maybe not THE champions but it sure does feel like we have won some kind of title or should get a trophy or SOMETHING. I also use the term "we" as if I had anything at all to do with the outcome, but even if just a smidgen of all my encouragement and motherly support had an effect - I'll take that credit. I could be referring to a major game with some sort of very important results because of our glorious win - but I'm not. I'm referring to a Little League Baseball Game (age 7 no less), a tournament game that in all actuality we will have to play (the team we beat) again tomorrow night. Why then am I so excited, excited enough to blog about it? This dadgum team that we BEAT THE PANTS OFF OF beat, hasn't lost one single game in 2 years. The coaches are also hard-nosed sticklers to the core and will make a mountain out of a molehill over ANY discrepancy. They are our ARCH RIVALS, our NEMESIS and have been a thorn in our side for 2 YEARS! I learned something about myself when the Ump said the magic phrase "BALL GAME" and we were squeaking past them. - I'm not a graceful or gracious winner at times. This was one of those times. My good friend and I jumped out of our seats and literally screamed, jumped up and down and hugged each other several times. I lost my cool completely and also ignored the other kids that just lost for the 1st time in 2 years. Do I feel bad? - Hell no. Those little suckers can get over it just like our kids had to do EVERY TIME WE PLAYED. How do ya like us now? Suck it up! There's no crying in baseball! Ok, sorry I got lost in our victory again. TEE HEE! Told ya I wasn't graceful. It's pretty terrible that I'm gloating, but I don't care. Our kids Us parents have wanted this so bad and they we deserved this win. Our boys We just can't hold it in when it's been so long coming and have looked forward to this day since the 1st time we got our tails handed to us by them. (Not to mention every team in our league who has had the pleasure of losing to them as well.) We are ROCKSTARS in our little baseball community, even if for just a day and that means so much to our boys us parents. I know that everyone is supposed to be politically correct and I should be a gracious winner and think of the other boys and how bad they must feel because they lost. I do feel sorry for the kids whose parents will unfortunately take the loss out on them and I truly hope that isn't the case. Sports in our community is taken pretty seriously and I've always been of the mindset that at this age I just want my kids to have fun and that is what matters most. But damn y'all, it feel good to WIN.

I have the blues. The "Facebook Blues". I can't seem to shake them either. When I first learned of Facebook, it changed my life, I LOVED it! I could get in touch with people I haven't seen or talked to in YEARS. It was so much fun! Being the social butterfly that I am - it was the perfect solution. I could see old friends faces and their families. I kept up with family that I don't see often and see pictures of their kids and visa-versa. It really was a good thing... but every good thing must come to an end or at least a stalemate. I started noticing a trend happening. I was trying to keep up with everyone's lives online most of the day when my own was being put on hold and eventually nothing was getting done. I also noticed that I would feel jealous of others and their seemingly perfect lives. I would read a post that would say something like, "Made cupcakes with all 3 kids today for our church's bake-sale. It was such a fun time to spend with my children." (Complete this with a picture on "Instagram" of 3 bright-eyed happy kids with cupcake batter on their smiling faces.) Then I look around at my messy house with 4 piles of laundry and 2 fighting boys, and I still haven't even thought about what to do for dinner much less a perfect little church bake-sale. I took some time off to try and perfect my own life. HA! After realizing this was never going to happen I just started posting my own crazy little realities. What really happens in my house on a daily basis. I started having fun again and my family and friends liked my nutty stories. Then I noticed that I felt bad if someone "liked" my story or commented on it and I didn't keep up or do the same for them. So, I tried then to keep up with everyone's posts and comment or at least "like" them. EXHAUSTION! I can't do it! I love everyone and I couldn't keep up without once again wasting my life on Facebook. Another thing, it is so awkward when you actually see someone you're friends with on Facebook and they expect you to know what they're talking about because they had already posted it on their status. Well, what if you really do want to know what they're up to but because you have a friend who posts pictures and random quotes they find online all day and you missed it. What then? Does this make me a bad Facebook friend? There are several things on Facebook I won't pretend to understand and while I'm not the picture of perfect facebooking myself, I still have my opinions on a few of what have become my social media pet peeves. For instance, if you're going to post pictures of food at least include a recipe. This is only fair. Yes it looks good and you didn't invite me over to have any, you're just rubbing my nose in it that I'm not getting to eat it. Same thing goes with restaurant food photos, name of the restaurant please and the item you ordered should also be included. And, what is it with married couples or any couples for that matter literally having conversations via Facebook? Professing your love for each other in a follow up comment on a post: how romantic. We get it, you love each other so get a room or how about get off the computer/phone and opt for some actual physical contact via the privacy of your own bedroom. Also, why is it when people are sick they post about how bad they feel? Here's a novel idea: get off Facebook, take some medicine and go to bed. Furthermore, this "checking in" stuff. What is up with everyone wanting everyone to know where they are? Not at home? Now I can rob your house. Nice. So many things to question and there are so many things I've done that get on my own nerves. Playing games and wasting so much of my time for NOTHING. Seriously, how is Family Feud on Facebook going to help me clean my house? I haven't done this one in a long time (probably because I did them all) but I would take these quizzes that told me something about myself. Such as a "What Your Favorite Color Says About You." What the hell was wrong with me? I would literally feel down if the answer came back with a negative depiction of my character... because of my favorite color? I obviously have issues, which is why I'm not on Facebook as much anymore. People like me (with issues) should use social media outlets with care. I have a flimsy self-image, (which I'm working on) and a need to make people happy. (Which, I've almost mastered the notion that I can't please everyone but making people smile still makes my day.) The combination of those two things can sometimes riddle me with anxiety. In wrapping up my Facebook soap box rant, I'll just say that there are many good things about Facebook and I miss certain things about it. For the most part, however, I've kept my house up better, done more laundry, spent more time with my kids and husband and worried less that my sarcasm didn't translate well on a follow up comment I made on someone's status update. I doubt anyone cares about my "Blues" but just in case I can make someone smile with my observations, I may just have to hit the "share" button and post this to Facebook. Ha, the irony!

Road Trip!

I love road trips. Good thing because we have a long one coming up this weekend. Many people prefer to fly because it's faster. This is a fact but I'm not a good flyer. I know that it's the safest form of travel and blahdi, blahdi, blah... BUT I feel much safer on the ground and away from strange people and their odors. I much prefer my own family's odors, as offensive as they might become at times. (I can roll down the window, which is much more difficult in an airplane.) I can stop at a seemingly clean convenience store and use the restroom and partake of a tasty cold beverage. In an airplane you get to squeeze yourself into a minuscule toilet room and pray to heaven that some one's irritable bowel syndrome didn't act up right before you go in.

However, road trip's in all their individually convenient glory do have their drawbacks. Yet, I am totally preparing myself so there are relatively little surprises down the road. (So to speak.)

I am well aware that even though my boys get along most of the time and are generally good kids that I will lose my temper with them because someone is being touched or not answering the other one when being talked to. I will likely yell at them a few times and threaten to pull the car over to beat them. They will probably get on my nerves singing songs that make no sense over and over which will prompt me to turn up the radio to distract them.
My husband and I actually do very well on road trips together but I imagine there will be a moment when his driving will send me over the edge and my nagging will make him want to drive me over it.
Then as I said before, there are the smells. Smells that only come from being in a car with 2 kids for 16 hours. The 3 f's - Food, Feet and Funk. Feet and funk are separate categories because you can identify feet smell but the funk is mysterious. It's just there, say a mixture of all odors accumulated and saturated into the fibers of the car's interior.

All of these things I am preparing myself for and strangely enough, looking forward to. There will be a time when the kids are grown and these road trips will be distant memories. They will have their own kids and road trips and smells one day. I am choosing to enjoy every minute of time with my family. So, why would I want a "faster" form of travel. Time goes by fast enough as it is.

Sized Up

Ran into an old "friend" today after having lunch at Holden's school. The reason for the quotes is because she really was a friend of mine many years ago but not so much anymore. She is perfectly nice, don't get me wrong. We just hang in different circles- her circle makes quite a bit more money than my circle. Her circle is president of the PTA and etc. of the PTA, my circle volunteers on field trips. Her circle lunches and shops, my circle goes to Wal-Mart and eats frozen diet dinners. But all of this is just life and it's absolutely fine with me. Although I wouldn't mind a glass of Riesling while munching on a salad with breadsticks once in a while, but I digress...

What I thought was funny about our running into each other was the falseness of the conversation and how the whole time she was looking at my clothes. I would've loved to have walked her down memory lane and reminded her of the time she fell off her bicycle when we went riding with our then boyfriends but she may have blocked that one out. (It was hilarious. - Sorry.) I think it's funny how women are with each other. Immediately sizing up the other woman while trying to find something that makes us feel better about who we are. Must be why I've always had way more guy friends than women friends. Guys usually tell it like it is and who cares if it happens to hurt your feelings, but women usually tell you everything is ok then tell the truth to someone else behind your back who then comes back and tells you what they said, which still hurts your feelings and leaves you feeling betrayed all at the same time. Lovely of us females. I have a rule, I will not say anything about anyone behind their back unless I'm willing to say it right to their face. It's a good rule and keeps me out of trouble. Another good rule is one that our mothers told us and should probably be reinstated as a rule for our own kids: If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. I mean really, why do we have to be so ridiculous as women? We're all in the same boat and should support each other. I'll bet we all go through the exact same things in our daily lives and have way more in common than we realize. Even the wealthier circles of women who yes, frankly I would like to slap and say do you REALLY need another Coach handbag to match your shoes? But hey, whatever blows their hair back. It's not for me to judge them, just like it wasn't her place to look me over in my sweatsuit outfit that MATCHED and I did have on make-up thank you very much. See what we do to ourselves, geez!

Crossing The Finish Line

So, I have a crazy amount of things I've left unfinished. I start something, go all in, gung ho and guns blazing... then for reasons that are only related to fear, I give up. What?! But Michele, you're a Christian! What is the problem and why can't you trust God? I guess you just don't have enough faith.
"Oh, the pressure of being a Christian!" (In Kat's voice from Pretty Woman.)

So, being a Christian means you should never have doubts, God is on our side and if we have enough faith we should be able to overcome anything. OK, yes, this is true and if we lived in a perfect world then perhaps I could put this into practice on a much more regular basis. But since we're all screwed up because of life's experiences it is much more difficult to just hop, skip and jump over our fears.

I picture running a race. (The idea I get for a project.) I think of the preparation that comes before I enter the race.(The research I do.) The gun going off as I sprint off the start. (Buying supplies and beginning the project.) The adrenaline pumping as I get past the 1st mile marker.(Gaining confidence since people keep telling me what a great job I'm doing.) The slowing down a little as your breath becomes more shallow. (Doubts creeping in.) The cramps in my legs and feet.(More intense doubting.) The tunnel vision as it seems the finish line was extended by miles and I run out of breath and fall down. (The doubts in my capabilities win out and I give up.)

I'm learning that I have so many fears that keep me from finishing the race and I'm working on overcoming the voices in my head that tell me I'm not good enough. I know it's not true and one day I will really believe it.

Being a Christian doesn't make me bullet proof. What is does make me is dependant on God. When I fall, I know He is there to pick me up. I have so much to work on but life is a journey, a journey I choose to go on with tons of help from HIM.

I will cross that finish line someday... To be continued.