Tuesday, October 16, 2012

MotherForty!!!

Well, here it is... FORTY! Coming upon me like a lion going in for the kill and me, the little gazelle that has tried outrunning it and failed miserably. I realize this description is a bit dramatic since I'm not dead or anything - just closer to it. Ha! Or as my husband likes to tell me, "Turning 40 is better than the alternative." Yeah, I guess... since those are my only choices - death and getting older. Well, duh... but that doesn't mean that I'm going to accept everything that is coming with it. I've been thinking about the pros and cons to aging and I have to say, so far the cons are gaining on the pros. I had some really great pros too! Pros: 1. I have a very low tolerance of bullshit now and this frees up a lot of spare time. 2. Ummmmm, ok maybe one good pro, but it IS a good one. It's interesting how much I love this attribute in my (cough, cough) dare I say, middle age? Holy crap! Another 40 years and I'm 80! (FAINT) Ok, where was I? Oh yeah, my bs detector. It works really well and I love it. I love that I can determine fairly easily whether or not I want to continue investing myself in someone, make no apologies and move on. In my 20's I was so naive and willing to bend over backwards people pleasing myself to death. I really do like that I don't do this anymore. As far as the cons go, oh my stars... Where do I begin? Cons: 1. More gray hair. It's getting ridiculous, even my freaking eyebrows and eyelashes. I'm not kidding. What is this? I had no idea that happens. I guess I know why I've seen women with shaved eyebrows and penciled in surprised looks on their faces. Which is absolutely worse, no way am I shaving my eyebrows. 2. Weight gain. Seriously, I used to think this was a lie women told because they got lazy but I still exercise and I eat better than I did in my 20's and my ass is just getting larger. In my 20's I was pretty hot and now I'm just getting pretty fat. I realize I need to kick it in turbo mode and I struggle with this because it's not just me anymore. I have a husband and kids and they come 1st. I used to despise Oprah for having shows where it would show women saying, "Put yourself 1st!" "Take care of yourself 1st!" Whatever, that is such bs. (Told ya it worked.) What wife and mom goes to the gym before she takes care of dinner or homework? A selfish biatch that's who. Yeah, I said it. But, seriously? I can just see me telling Matt to fend for himself because I have to go to the gym and get my nails done. That would go over well. I'm not saying that I'm just letting myself go. I've gotten myself out of bed at the buttcrack of dawn to run and then I'm so exhausted later that Matt wishes I would leave when he got home because I was just so pleasant to be around. Reality is a bitch and there's just not enough time in a day. Let's just end this one with "It's a work in progress." 3. Miscellaneous hair. Yeah, this is a fun one. When I was little, my grandma had this funhouse mirror on a stand and we would make funny faces in it and laugh because it magnified our faces into ginormity. I wondered what the purpose of this mirror was, other than sheer comic fun times for my sisters and I. Now I know. SO, one day not long ago, I notice a long weird hair sprouting from my chin and it's black. I immediately got the tweezers and yanked that puppy out. Thought to myself, that was weird. About 2 weeks later it reappears out of nowhere. NOWHERE! Like I swallowed a magic bean that sprouts a giant beanstalk hair, only there is no good purpose for it. Someone could have climbed it but there would have been no magic hen laying golden eggs at the top. Found one coming out of my damn neck not too long ago. 4. Hormone shift. What do you get when a woman starts losing her estrogen besides facial hair and weight gain? A crazy psychotic moody freak that's what. Matt is LOVING this one. I have one really good happy week in a month. Two weeks that lead up to the one week in which I should probably be restrained like a werewolf or Dr. Jekyll. I don't know who she is but she is one scary bitch. All I can say is I'm sorry if I offend anyone during this time. I usually try to stay away from people as much as possible but oh, my poor husband and kids. I do a pretty good job of maintaining my dignity in all honesty. Like a full moon coming on I can feel it and try my best to reign in the emotions that are all over the place. There's a learning curve, right? Well, I could probably think of a few more in the way of vanity but I've already shared plenty. I'm thinking I want to trade in my bs detector for my old "young" grayless, skinny, weird hair-less, saner self. That's my vanity talking. I know there are so many things in my life to appreciate. I'm just being honest though, my blog is titled "Little Miss Not-So Perfect" and I'm not. My strength is admitting my weaknesses and laughing about it as much as possible. I love my life and my family and I'm so blessed to turn 40 with all of it's ugly weirdness. I'm not going to pretend that it's the best thing that's ever happened but aging is the only alternative to death and I'm not ready to leave this crazy world just yet. I'm having too much fun making fun of it all. Happy 40th to me!!!

4 comments:

  1. The first page for your book! It has grabbed my attention, brought me laughter and just made me love you all the more. Now stop trying to confuse me about your birth-date. I know it isn't October 16th!!

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  2. Happy 40th!! Very funny post.. and laughter keeps you young so thanks for that!

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  4. Michele, do you ever check this blog? Did you start another one? I miss your writing. xoxo Mama Ann

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