I'm Buck Melanoma. Moley Russell's wart. Not her wart. Not her wart! I'm... I'm the wart. She's my tumor. My... my growth. My... uh, my pimple.

I'm pretty vain. I don't think in an unhealthy way, just in the way that I don't want to look ugly. I enjoy my make-up, hair straightener, perfume and accessories. So, imagine my delight when in my 30's I discover adult acne. Adult CYSTIC acne. The whole phrase is ugly and when it shows up on your face, it is ugly. What makes it more difficult is the fact that I never had skin problems growing up.
So the other day I'm having breakfast with my mom and one of my sisters when I notice my mom looking at my zit. She says, "Is that a growth?" (Good lord mother, thanks.) She meant that she thought it was some sort of sun damaged mole growing on my face. Oh, lovely - that's much better. The make up I caked on it just made it look like a big GROWTH. Totally made me think of one of my favorite movies - Uncle Buck. (which is where my blog title came from) Now, as if the pulsating painful throbbing boil on my face wasn't making me self-conscious enough, now all I can think of is Uncle Buck throwing a quarter at me and telling me to "go have a rat gnaw that thing off my face."
I rushed out the other day and hunted down the ProActiv kiosk at Woodland Hills Mall. The advertisement on television looks good, Katy Perry tells how devastating her acne was to her until she discovered PROACTIV! It's $19.99 with FREE SHIPPING! But my growth is desperate and I can't wait for mail. So I get there and the kiosk girl shows me this "kit" that looks just like the one on TV... ONLY IT'S 10 TIMES SMALLER. When I mention this to her, she tells me it's actually larger than the one on TV. Huh? The one on TV is a 1 month supply and the kiosk version is a 2 month supply (and costs twice as much.) So, I leave. I'm deflated (my zit - not so much). What really chaps my growth is that someone like Katy Perry who can afford the munchkin bottles of zit zapper probably never has to pay a cent for it because she so poopular. That's ok, my cheapness paid off. I ended up finding this stuff at Walgreens's that ROCKS.

Ya know, I'm vain and will continue to be. I like looking nice - so what? I'm not unrealistic. I understand beauty fades and I strive everyday to look as nice on the inside as I do on the out. It's way more important to be beautiful on the inside anyway. This is another way God shows His sense of humor in life. If you ever depend on anything else more than Him, whether it's money, popularity or beauty, you will just feel empty inside.
Let's face it... we are all just a few years away from a hairy mole, gray hair and (thank heavens!) blurry vision. (But I wouldn't know anything about that.)

Pig House

This post is dedicated to my family of piggies.

I am employed as a stay at home mom. This means that I stay at home and keep it organized and clean and when the kids get out of school I have snacks waiting for them and we sit down and do homework and read, etc.(IN THEORY)

Don't get me wrong, I do plenty around here but as I sit and look around at my home sweet home, I can't help but think if I got paid for this that I would more than likely be fired. Which brings me to my problem - I don't get paid. This makes it easy for me to justify slacking off. I could sit here and rattle off all my excuses but the one I like best is that as soon as I get the house clean, I have destroyers running behind me and setting little bombs off all over the house. Clothes bombs, toy bombs, trash bombs, school work bombs, etc. This is valid, a valid reason why I am no longer a good housekeeper. Why bother when it will only get wrecked again?

Well, I suppose if for no other reason, than for my sanity. I really need to get my rear in gear and start my "Spring Cleaning". (When you say it like that - "Spring Cleaning", it sounds so refreshing. Like I could enjoy a nice glass of lemonade while I sort through things and tidy it all up. So housewifey of me.)

It's also hard to keep up with important papers from the boys' school. Got a phone call today from the cafeteria lady. She said, "Ms. Cornwell, are you aware that Holden owes $8.50 for school lunches?" Well, no, er uh, I - SO EMBARRASSING! And this is what prompted me to reflect on my piggy ways.
Phone calls from THE CAFETERIA LADY? OK, OK, I hear you God!
1 Corinthians 14:33
For God is not a God of confusion but of peace. As in all the churches of the saints,

Taking a Dip in the Shallow End

What a week I've had! Time for my shallow moments of the week rundown. Ok, so Logan has been sick with some sort of stomach virus for what has seemed like an eternity (4days). Hey! 4 days is an eternity with a sick kid staying home from school with the knowledge of the mountain of homework he will have to make up. Which brings me to my 1st shallow moment of the week: I'm worried for myself that I can be strong enough to encourage him to get through it AND help him with it if needed. Yes, I wasn't concerned for my child, that HE would have to endure the homework beast - but for myself. SHALLOW! Shallow moment numero dos: I had made a hair appointment for Friday thinking that surely Logan would be feeling better by then. So, imagine my shallow disappointment when he still had a fever the night before and I had to cancel my precious beauty time. I mean REALLY! Some chicks just can't catch a break. Oh how I am so ashamed of this shallow moment. My poor baby had a fever and I'm worried about my hair. Oh so very shallow indeed! You would think after that one that maybe I wouldn't be so tempted to wade my way back into the shallow end but alas, you would be wrong. Because my 3rd shallow moment would have to be getting extremely irritated about not getting to go on a date Saturday night and how this affects only me. Yes, not that my husband might enjoy some time out as well but only I, as an insignificant and neglected wife knows what it feels like to have hopes and plans dashed away. And finally, (though I think I'm giving myself too much credit but for the sake of finally ending this confession) my shallow moment #4: before church this morning (yes, church) I almost had a real live temper tantrum over my wardrobe, or lack thereof. It is really not a cliche that as a mom, you really don't get to go shopping and get to buy new duds to wear on ANY SORT OF BASIS, regular or otherwise. I think I have 5 shirts, 5 of which I've had for probably 5 years. So, yes... I almost threw a hissy fit this morning. I say almost only because I've realized from throwing past hissy fits that it doesn't do any good. I will still have the same 5 shirts and then I will have wasted the time I need to put on my old makeup some of which I've had for AWHILE.
Well, have I enjoyed my time in the shallow end? Yeah, a little bit - it's given me the opportunity to feel sorry for myself and that's very important in order to grow into a better person. If I never had these moments, I wouldn't recognize the self-centeredness that should be corrected. So, it's like job security for my soul.
And as I have said many times in my life: Thank you God for GRACE!

Pollyanna

Well, I try, I really do. It would be nice to have a sunny outlook on every single aspect of life. Life is such a blessing! Everyday is a gift and I am so grateful for everything and everyday God gives me. It would be nice to be able to keep up this attitude and never, ever feel sorry for myself or get tired of just stuff happening. Yes, it would be nice BUT HOW? I am looking at the tragedy in Japan and the wars being fought and I think to myself: "I have it amazingly good!" (And this is true) Then there are days like today when it seems like I just keep tripping on my own feet. I used to have this friend and we would say that our day just wasn't flowing. I suppose it's ok once in a while to have off days but what I'm trying to do is really keep things in perspective and I am trying, I really am. Within just the last few days, Matt's AND my car has ended up in the shop and it's never anything simple. But then I hear that little Pollyanna voice in my head say, "At least you have a car to fix." (I really want to slap that girl sometimes.) But she's right and I can't help but think of all those people that are losing their lives and families, and all of their belongings in these natural disasters or the men and women who sacrifice so much for my freedom. So, I'll try and keep all of this in mind when I'm extremely annoyed over the "little" things. I will, I really will.

"Oh Well!"

If you've ever had any misgivings about perfectionism it all gets cleared up when you become a mother. I have 2 boys, 2 wonderful and precious boys that depend on me and I'm afraid that is to their detriment at times. I can't count on both hands and feet how many times I forget about something either involving school or extra-curricular stuff like karate or baseball, etc. Today I was supposed to make up one of Logan's days of karate practice. It's in 10 minutes and I haven't even thought about it. I haven't even taken a shower yet much less get the boys ready, find his uniform, etc and there is obviously no way we're going to make it. "Oh well!" is one of my best and most intelligent comebacks when I've disappointed my children. (Excuse the sarcasm) Can't help it though, sarcasm saves my sanity.
Like I said, I have no misgivings that I'll ever be the perfect mom. That is an unattainable quality in parenting. I do believe that just knowing this is not enough, I make sure my boys know that even though I try, I still make mistakes. This way when they're blaming me for something later on in their adult lives, I have this as a kind of "disclaimer" to fall back on. I will continue to make more mistakes and they will continue to hear me say, "Oh well!" and I will never be the "perfect" mom but I will love them perfectly always and forever.

Toast & Marriage

I HATE making toast, specifically toast with jelly. It's messy and sticky and it mashes the bread when you spread it. It annoys me, so if I am ever making you toast(with jelly), you know I like you a whole bunch. What does making toast have to do with marriage? Well, there was a time in my marriage that if I was making Matt toast, I would stand there and cus him under my breath. I did it but I loathed it and at the time I don't think either of us had warm and fuzzy feelings for the other. Marriage is by far one of the hardest things I've ever done. I didn't have the greatest example of what a strong marriage was. My dad left when I was 9, right before my 10th birthday. My mom eventually remarried my step-dad and unfortunately he just wasn't the soft huggy-feely type. The short version: I had no idea what I was getting myself into when Matt and I got married. In the beginning, you get engaged and all is right with the world. You see hearts and flowers and little butterflies floating around your fiances' head. Later on you see tasers and pitchforks... But here's the deal that no one really shared with me - It's a commitment, through the hearts, through the pitchforks. There was a time in my marriage that I honestly didn't know if we would make it. We have both worked so hard and both understand now how much we would miss if we just gave up. It also wasn't just about us anymore. God gave us 2 beautiful boys that depend on us to show them how to succeed, and not giving up is huge. It's our job to give them the tools and be an example of what this looks like. I didn't have that luxury and therefore I tended to look for the easy way out and want to run baby, run. I realized with prayer and God's help that running would not solve anything and my children deserved much better from me. I've had people tell me that it looks like I have the perfect marriage. I like to think that now I have the most perfectly imperfect marriage and I am so satisfied with that. We work on us everyday, in little ways and big. I love him and now I don't hate making his toast with jelly - as much.

What Do You Mean I'm Not Perfect?

This notion that I should write about my imperfections all started with a Sunday morning message from my pastor. I blame him or maybe I should blame God, since that is where said message came from. He shared a personal story about a past sin and spoke of new beginnings with God. I thought about how all of us have our hang-ups, blemishes, past and future mistakes to always remind us of how IMperfect we are. This is why I am so thankful for God's grace. My whole life up to this point consisted of striving for perfection, and when I finally "got it" that this was a waste of time, well you can imagine what a relief it was. I used to sit in fear that someone wouldn't like me or that I was going to make someone mad if I ever had my own opinion or likes/dislikes that I woke up one day and didn't even know who I was. When I understood that I would never please everyone and that no matter how hard I could ever try to be what everyone wanted me to be, it wasn't going to happen. I wanted to share different scenarios in my life with others and since I had a blog and enjoyed writing on it, I figured I would give this a try. I feel like God wants me to show others that He loves us and is a God of new beginnings. We all do the best we can with what we know. Imperfect people moving through an imperfect world depending on a perfect God to be our guide.